Day by Day
by EmmeElle
Summary: James loves Lily, but Lily hates James... or does she? The turning point in the LJ saga. Rated M for strong sexuality.


Day by Day

Lily sat up, pummeled her pillow, and flopped back down, sighing angrily. Sleep wasn't coming easily to her lately. Lily couldn't have chosen a worse year to be Head Girl. The turmoil taking place outside of the castle, with Voldemort at the height of his power and the Wizarding World more divided than it had been in centuries, was infiltrating the seemingly impenetrable walls of Hogwarts.

Never before had Lily experienced such pointless, malevolent cruelty. The Slytherins and Gryffindors, in particular, seemed eager to curse each other, and would jump at any opportunity to do so. Just yesterday, Lily had had to endure almost an hour of Madame Pomfrey's tutting in the Hospital Wing after getting between Sirius and his younger brother, Regulus, who were dueling enthusiastically in the corridor.

James, to his credit, hadn't joined in for once, but he hadn't done anything to stop it either, just stood to the side watching with his wand in hand, seemingly ready to intervene if it looked like Sirius were in trouble.

James. Why in the world Dumbledore had appointed him Head Boy was completely beyond Lily. He hadn't even been a prefect! It was completely unprecedented. Lily was sure Dumbledore must have had some reason, but she couldn't even begin to fathom it. He had done nothing but break rules since he'd arrived at Hogwarts. How could he be expected to help enforce them?

Nevertheless, Lily had to admit that, thus far, he had exceeded her expectations. Other students looked up to him - he was a Quidditch Star and was undeniably brilliant - so he had an easier time controlling them than Lily did.

Lily stuck her head out of the curtains surrounding her bed and glanced out the tower window. Was it her imagination, or was the sky actually beginning to lighten somewhat? Surely, Lily hadn't been lying awake here for that long.

Lumos, she whispered, shining her lit wand at the clock on the wall. 3:56 am. Lily turned off her wand and lay back in bed once more, determined to spend the four hours she had remaining in the night asleep. Her eyes clamped firmly shut, Lily tried to think peaceful thoughts.

But all of the thoughts that usually worked for her failed her tonight. Her memory of playing in the backyard with Petunia before she had realized her magical powers was interrupted by a dark, hooded figure who raised a wand a pointed it at her sister. Her fantasies of lying in the grass under a sunny sky were darkened suddenly by clouds and screams.

When the morning came, Lily knew, she would be exhausted and would find it nearly impossible to stay awake during classes. Most nights, however, Lily spent in sleepless fear.

After fifteen unsuccessful minutes of coaxing sleep, Lily gave it up. Shivering, she pulled on her dressing gown and descended the stairs into the common room, thinking that she could at least use the time to finish some homework.

The cheerful common room fire did a lot to help Lily's mood. She loosened her dressing down, allowing the comforting heat to penetrate her thin night dress and reached into her school bag for her Potions book and some parchment. Turning the pages, she found a section relevant to the topic of her essay (Common Ingredients in Emotion-Altering Potions) and lowered her quill to her parchment.

Before she started to write, however, a rustling noise behind her made Lily jump. Grabbing her wand, she leapt out of her chair, sending her book to the floor with a thump, and turned toward the source of the sound.

"James?" she asked incredulously. Lily pressed a hand to her racing heart and realized as she did so that she was clad only in her thin, leave-little-to-the-imagination night dress. With a rush of mortification, she snatched her dressing gown off of the chair and pulled it around herself, tying it tightly.

"Sorry, Lily," James said , smiling slightly at her obvious discomfort. "You didn't notice me when you came down and I didn't mean to scare you, but I thought I should let you know I was here."

Relaxing slightly, Lily asked "How long have you been down here? And why aren't you in bed?"

"Well," said James, "I should ask you the same question. And I know you're hoping I was up to something terrible, but the truth is, I just couldn't sleep. Sirius went up to bed hours ago, so don't worry. No havoc wreaked."

Lily smiled in spite of herself. "Yeah. I couldn't sleep either," she said sympathetically.

They stared at each other in the warm darkness for a few moments, Lily wondering what it was that was keeping James awake, whether he was afraid like she was.

"So, er," said James finally, "I guess I'll just - er - leave you to it then." He bent immediately to retrieve his things, but Lily thought she noticed a hint of a question in his voice.

"No, James," she said, biting her lip. "I didn't mean to disturb you. You were here first. I'll go," she said.

"Absolutely not," said James. "I'll stay, but only if you'll stay as well."

Lily looked at James appraisingly. He was such a mystery to her. She'd had an unbearable crush on him during her first three years at Hogwarts. He wasn't good looking in the way that Sirius was, but there was something about his dark rebellious hair and his hazel eyes which drew her to him. Furthermore, he was one of a select few pure-bloods to have never chastised her muggle beginings. In her young eyes, James Potter had become her hero. For three years, he was the person she approached with questions about the magical world that she didn't dare ask others. He was the one to whom her thoughts strayed during boring History of Magic lessons. He was the person she looked for every morning in the Great Hall, just so she would know where he was.

His brilliance and Quidditch skills, unfortunately, had led to extreme popularity and - in the past two years - extreme arrogance. So Lily had all but stopped speaking to him, except to refuse the occasional proposition for a date, until they had been thrust togther in their seventh year as Head Boy and Girl.

And even still, halfway through their seventh year, Lily treated James with as much disdain as she could muster, and tried to deny that he was still the one who captured her straying thoughts during boring lessons.

"Deal," she said finally, resuming her seat in her chair and picking her book up off the floor. James, to her surpise, did not sit back down immediately. Rather, he gathered his things and moved to take a chair in front of the fire next to hers. He didn't say any more to her, just resumed work. Lily managed to scratch out a few sentences on her parchment before he thoughts began to wander.

She thought about her parents a lot lately. What characteristics had they had that had given them a magical daughter? Were they at risk, with Voldemort's power growing everyday, his hatred of muggle-kind no secret? What would they say if they knew of the terrible danger their daughter was facing as she prepared to graduate and take her place in wizarding society?

Of their own accord, Lily's eyes drifted to James. He was no longer looking at his parchment. Rather, he was staring into the fire as Lily had been moments before. In face, he looked a lot like Lily felt. The confident grin that crossed his features when he was with his friends was gone, replaced by a look of uncertainty or even worry.

Lily continued to watch James for several minutes as the fire cast dancing shadows on his face. She wondered what he was thinking about, whether he was as worried as she was, what he was planning to do after graduation. She wondered if any of his family were involved in the war and whether he was afraid for them. Finally, she wondered whether his continued attempts to ask her out were born just of a need to date every girl in the school or if, just maybe, there was something else there.

Suddenly, Lily became aware that James was no longer looking into the fire. Instead, his eyes were boring straight into hers.

A heat that had nothing to do with the fire rushed through Lily's body, filling her face with blood. Look away! she thought urgently. Anywhere! Just look away! Her eyes obediently dropped to her hands, which were twisting in her lap with embarassment.

"Eh... sorry," she managed.

"It's alright," James laughed, "I'm used to pretty girls staring at me."

Lily rolled her eyes, but couldn't help smiling in spite of herself. His joke, at least, took her thoughts away from her second embarassment of the night.

"What were you thinking about, anyway?" James asked.

"I was going to ask you the same question," she challenged.

The joking smile fell off of James' face and he glanced out of the window, chewing the inside of his lip in obvious thought.

"I guess I was just wondering... what's going to happen," he said, with determined casualness.

"What's going to happen when," Lily prodded.

"After we graduate, you know. I don't reckon we could have picked a worse time to finish school."

James paused, and Lily was about to ask what he meant (though she thought she already knew) when he continued.

"It's kind of like we're not part of it while we're at school, you know. The war, I mean. We're protected here, and it's business as usual... Classes, homework... The biggest worry is whether we're going to pass our N.E.W.T.s. in six months. But then we're out of here, and it's like 'Congratulations on being an adult. Oh by the way, there's a huge war going on. People are dying and you could be next, so I hope you paid attention.'"

Lily had never heard it put quite like that before, but, reflecting on it, it seemed to perfectly express her own unrest about the situation. The simplicity of it caught her off guard, and she laughed aloud. James face fell at the sound and he looked at her with a mixture of confusion of hurt.

"No, no," said Lily quickly, "I wasn't laughing at you! I was laughing because... well, I don't really know. I just know exactly how you feel."

His face relaxed and he looked at her thoughtfully.

"Yeah, I guess you do," he said. "It must be even worse for you, actually, being muggle-born and all."

Lily nodded but did not speak. She suddenly found her eyes locked on James' again, but it was different this time. Instead of embarassment, an entirely different sort of heat rushed through her, making her fingers and toes tingle and her stomach turn over.

A magic such as she had never felt at Hogwarts filled the room. The fire seemed to grow brighter. Heart racing suddenly, Lily tried to look away from James but found it impossible. There was some magnetic quality to his eyes, she decided. Not only could she not look away, but she found herself being irrestibly drawn forward.

James' face was more intense than Lily had ever seen it. He usually looked amused, carefree, or, occasionally, angry, but now he looked so serious. It suited him, Lily thought. His face moved closer. So did hers.

When they're noses were about six inches apart, Lily saw his lips part slightly. His tongue darted out and over them, making them shine in the firelight.

Oh, God, thought Lily. He's going to kiss me now, I know it. Oh God oh God oh God.

Stop him, said a small voice in her head. Turn away, get your things, and go to bed. This is a mistake!

But Lily barely heard the voice. Her senses were entirely consumed by the proximity of James' lips, the pounding of her heart, and the heat that only intensified in her body.

And still, they moved closer together.

James was so close now that Lily could feel his breath brushing against her lips. For what seemed like an eternity, they stayed frozen there, so close that they could hear each other's blood rushing, neither wanting to be the one to close that final gap.

Lily had never known James to be so hesitant, and it encouraged her. Finally, taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and closed the distance.

His lips were thin, but his kiss was soft and all-encompassing. Sinking into it somewhat, Lily slowly opened her mouth and allowed the kiss to deepen, exploring his tongue, his teeth, the roof of his mouth, everything she had not allowed herself to imagine in the past.

Kissing James was one of the most wonderful things Lily had experienced. He was warm and responsive. Wrapped up in his arms, Lily felt safe from Voldemort and his Death Eaters, safe from anti-Muggleborn stigma, just safe, mainly because there was no room in her head for anything other than James.

At length, they broke apart, both gasping for air. They rested in silence, each catching his or her breath, then, with a quick meeting of the eyes, crashed together again.

For a while, Lily was aware only of lips, tongues, and teeth. Then, suddenly, she became acutely aware of a pair of thin, calloused hands grazing her backand stomach, running down the lapels of her dressing gown and, finally, fumbling with the tie at her stomach.

Lily had been in similar situations a couple of times in the past, but never before had her instinct been not to stop it. Again, a very small voice in Lily's head was insisting that she stop and go to bed before any more damage could be done, but the rest of her mind and her hands disagreed.

To her own shock, Lily found her fingers working the buttons on James' flannel pyjama top, stumbling over each one until they were all free and she was able to push the shirt off of his muscular shoulders. James followed suit with her dressing gown, until she was once again clad only in the thin nightdress she wore to bed.

James stood, taking her by the hand, and led her to the hearthrug, where the heat from the fire blazed but still did nothing to compare to the heat Lily felt inside. Kneeling down, James tugged her hand roughly, so that she whirled unexpectedly and fell backwards into his waiting arms. He kissed her again and, when the kiss broke, Lily was lying on her back on the rug while James held himself above her.

"Do we stop here?" James whispered, his voice cracking with desire. Lily searched her mind and discovered that she did not want to stop. Her body was beginning to cry out for him, and Lily knew somehow that she would not regret this night. She was living in uncertain times, after all, and who knew if she would live to get another opportunity like this?

"No way," she said, slightly unnerved by the husky tone of her voice. Backing up her words, she reached for the waistband of James pants and tentatively dipped a hand inside, caressing the smooth skin of his hips and lower torso. Finally, she pushed his pants all the way off so that James was dressed only in his boxers, which were red, silky, and decorated with snitches, bludgers, and quaffles. James looked at her sheepishly, recognizing the potential embarassment, and shrugged. Then, in one swift motion, he pulled her nightdress over her head and off.

Lily realized with a jolt that she was now completely topless. It was the first time a member of the opposite sex had seen her like this. She shut her eyes tightly as James caressed her breasts and left a trail of kisses up her stomach. She was sure that she would see horror or, at best, indifference on James' face when she opened her eyes, but to the contrary, he was looking down at her with outright admiration.

"Lily, you're gorgeous," he told her.

"Yeah," she said sarcastically, "I bet you say that to all of them."

"All of who?" he asked with genuine curiousity.

"All the girls," Lily said tentatively, "I guess you'll complete the seventh year list, now you can check me off the list."

To Lily's surprise, James' laughed aloud.

"I think you've got me confused with Sirius," he said.

"What?" Lily sputtered, "You mean you're not... er, you haven't...?"

"No," said James, looking straight into her eyes, "This is the first time, actually."

Amazed and relieved, Lily leaned up and captured his lips fiercely, arching her body against him. His right hand reached down and grazed the outside of her thigh, then the top, then the inside, making its way up the sensitive skin there until it reached her underwear.

Unable to stop herself, Lily gasped slightly at the sensation of James' hand grazing across her underwear. She tensed, then relaxed as he pulled them down to her knees and off.

Not waiting for Lily to do the job, James then removed his own underwear and positioned himself above her. He met her eyes, asking the silent question, and Lily nodded.

She'd heard horror stories about the pain one experienced her first time, but Lily didn't feel it. Rather than feeling like she was being "ripped open" as Astelia Green had put it, Lily simply felt like she was being made complete.

Slowly, and only slightly clumsily, James began moving in and out of her. Lily felt like she was on fire. Every touch of James' lips or fingers ignited sparks on her skin, and a peculiar urgent tightness such as she had never felt before began to build, starting in her very center and spreading through her legs and arms.

Lily realized what was going to happen only seconds before she fell over the edge. With a shuddering gasp, a tremor coursed through her, followed by another and another, until the tingles dissipated into a warmth that filled her veins.

Moments later, James' stiffened as well. He shook slightly for several seconds, then collapsed on top of her, breathing into her hair. Both were silent for quite some time, until -

"Brilliant," James said, "Bloody brilliant!" Lily smiled. "Er, sorry it didn't last longer," he said as an afterthought.

Lily simply shook her head, smiling, and turned to her side so that James rolled off of her and onto the floor beside her.

"Wow," he said, "Can you imagine if someone had come down here?"

Lily shuddered. "Head boy and girl. We would never hear the end of it," she giggled. James smiled, but the smile slipped quickly off of his face, to be replaced by an uncharacteristically serious expression.

"Lily, I just want to tell you that you don't have to worry... about anything. I'm not going to be blabbing about this all over the dormitory, and I really want to thank you for tonight. It meant - means - a lot."

Inexplicably, Lily believed him. Every word.

"Thank you, James. And, you're welcome."

"So... what now?"

"What now?"

"Yeah, what happens with us?"

"I don't know. I guess we just take it day by day?"

"Yeah," James said, nodding. "Day by day sounds good."

Lily smiled. It did sound good. And though, for once, Lily's mind was not on Voldemort, she knew that 'day by day' would be a good strategy for dealing with him, too.

_A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. As always, feel free to review!_


End file.
